It’s been a long time since I have posted here. If you observe the blog closely today you might end up guessing the reason for my being away. Well, no more hints, let me come to the point. After 24 long years, I switched back to my maiden name for reasons that are more than obvious. Have I changed from the 20-year-old maiden who went through the norm of getting married to get a socially approved stamp of moral license even before she was mature enough to assume a new identity? Of course, I have. In a lot many ways. After all one grows, evolves as perspectives change and every human has the right to find themselves on a deeper level as the journey of life continues.
A lot of people asked me along this journey of 24 years, some who were genuinely well-meaning dear ones and others who were simply nosey judgemental jerks, as to why I decided to stick around in an unfavorable situation that I could be out of much earlier to secure a better future for myself. I bet they did and yet chose not to understand how complex it was when there is a child involved in the dynamics. After a lot of tweaks and experiments in my lifestyle that involved me switching jobs rather sporadically just so that I was there for my growing child when required, to being a weekend mom when my work kept me away from home and shifting my son to the city I worked in which eventually did not work in his favor, I realized that my child was yet not ready to choose between both his parents. In fact, he never will be ready for it like any other human being no matter what their age. But now, after he’s flown out of the nest to find his own identity and with his growing understanding of how important it is for his parents to seek their own directions it seemed to be the best time to take the plunge.
Sometimes you stop being who you were when you first met each other. There are no guarantees for change in life. How we react to change is what defines us as individuals. People either choose to grow and rise above their situation or throw themselves in the doldrums of melancholy and self-pity blaming everything and everyone around them for their misery. I aspire to belong to the former lot. I am on the path of working on the flaws that I recognize within myself and fine-tune my key strengths. Daily meditation, a healthy diet along with the 10,000 steps that I take regularly with the intention of losing all my unwanted excess baggage and retaining only what was good for me has kept me positive to a large extent.
There are a lot of deterrents, I admit. This is the time when I saw a lot of masks falling off. It didn’t help that some of them were of close family and friends. However, I work towards putting negativity and toxic people behind me. In the past few months, I have figured out an effective mechanism of choosing who I really wish to have around me. These are people who bring out more than 70% of the best in me. I believe there are a rare few who can bring out 100% of my best too, but they’re not even a handful of them, so I’ve kept a scope of 30% concession! And let me tell you this handful of the 100% category are my strength and I am blessed to have them in my life. The ones who fail to bring out less than 70% good in me are the ones who are off my radar. No blames. No regrets. I am just being kind to myself.
Along these years, I’ve taken a lot of risks in my career. I changed and quit jobs frequently to suit the requirements of my growing child and yet have the dignity of earning an independent income doing what I was best at. While most employers would nod at my situation in understanding, very few are willing to take a chance with me again. Some of them being parents themselves. They fail to understand my commitment levels. They do not value the fact that I was juggling two jobs simultaneously all these years – one of a nine-to-five employee who gave her best to the company as long as she was with them, outperformed herself with every new role she took up and another of a full-time mother who was strongly committed to raising an emotionally healthy individual. All said and done, today I am a proud mother and an equally proud professional who could pull it off and gain such rich experience through it all.
And finally about the person I spent more than 30 years with, about six years of courtship and 24 years of marriage, with whom I had naively believed for a good part of my growing years of wanting to spend my old age with, in a rocking chair by the fireplace. Thankfully we realized much ahead of time that had it continued for that long one of us would have thrown the other in the flames of the fireplace! So well, we agree to disagree on a lot of things now and we might not grow old together. But yes, we’ve shared almost half our lives with each other, as good friends once upon a time, as lovers, as companions, as co-parents, as each other’s well-wishers, and we will grow old as our son’s parents. And that means quite a lot. We might move ahead in our lives to find what’s best for us but we’ve come a full circle as partners, as parents, and as a family. That according to me is an achievement in itself. I choose to keep only the memories filled with laughter, joy, love, and warmth while I strive on releasing the ones that induce any less. And, here’s to making more of them!
A word of request to my readers before I end this post. Please do not offer sympathies or feel sorry. Nobody has died. A few signatures and a name change do not kill bonds that are forged over decades. But yes, they do foster a new identity and nurture tremendous personal growth if taken in the right spirit. Till then, I’m keeping my fingers crossed for the next innings of my life. Wish me luck!
Raising a toast for all you wonderful women out there, today, on International Women’s Day! Be proud to be yourself, no matter where you are or what you’re doing. Love and light to all of you. Happy Women’s Day!
More power to you,V! I have always always admired you and will continue to do so!
Wish you the bestest, dear friend!
P.S.
I am not sharing this post on Twitter, and being my (kind of ) twin sister, I hope you understand why!
Hugs!
Thank you so much for your kind wishes, Shilpa! I understand where you’re coming from when you say that you’re not sharing this post on twitter. I actually had not planned to publish this post after writing it but a lot of close friends and family who had read it separately had encouraged me to share it since they thought it would be of great help to people in similar situations. I hope they are right.
Wow, first of all hats off to you, Vinodini. I can only imagine the immense courage and strength it needed to take this decision. I am so proud of you and wish you the very best. I have a feeling that you will do very well.
Thanks, Rachna! You make me feel optimistic with your comment. π
Itβs great to see your positive perspective on your new lease on life Vinodini. π I see you as a strong and determined woman and know you will fare well. π Wishing you all the best life has to offer. Happy (belated) International Womenβs Day to you! π
Thank you for everything, Elly! You’ve been so supportive to me all through. I’m so glad to have you in my life. Belated Happy International Women’s day to you again!ππ
Read this last night and was so moved by the strength in the writing, your life and the confidence that you’ve exuded all through. What I especially appreciated was the complete comfort in your situation and the fact that you’re willing to look at the good parts from the relationship with gratitude and grace.
Stay happy, Vinodini. That is my wish for you and yes, Happy Women’s Day.
Thank you so much, Shy. Your words are quite encouraging. The good parts are always present in all situations if only we are willing to acknowledge them. Happy Belated Women’s Day.
I applaud you, Vinodini. You are an amazing woman. Honestly, I am falling short of words to express what I feel. I am so glad that you decided to publish this post. More power to you, dear! <3
Vinitha recently posted…Why I donβt participate in reading challenges
Thank you, Vinitha. I feel stronger after reading your comment. I had second thoughts about publishing this post but now it feels good to know that I did the right thing.
What a great & inspiring read! Tough woman, proud professional and above all what a great human being you are. May you soar higher in this new phase. Best wishes.
Thanks, Shagun. The best thing about me is having friends like you to depend on. Hugs and best wishes to you too! We’re going to see this through together. π
Your fan always V! It makes sense to do what makes your heart happy and keeps you at peace rather than sticking with situations to appease onlookers in your life. You are a bold lady and I applaud your actions whole-heartedly! Rock it!
Kala Ravi recently posted…Kutch Diaries #Shopping
Hey, thanks Kala! Yeah, life is too short to give up on living it whole-heartedly. You are such a morale-booster!π
I love how sorted you are Vinodini. And how strong. Just keep being that way. A situation is only as complex as we allow it to be. You’ve handled it so beautifully and bravely. I wish life only has good things in store for you and that you always retain your upbeat spirit.
Obsessivemom recently posted…A Bookish February #GratitudeCircle
Thank you for your beautiful wishes, Tulika! You’re right, sometimes we make things complicated just by dwelling over them in our heads and not doing anything about them. I’m glad I could overcome those situations.
Happy Women’s Year to my-kind-of-a-gal π
I’ve been in a similar boat, and I totally admire you and your grit, always.
May life bestow you with all things mystical and blessed.
P.S: And please do blog more often, if you can. Your words are special.
Natasha recently posted…A Divine Morning at Bangla Saheb: A Long Lost Wish Comes True
Oh…Happy Women’s Year to you too, Nats! I wish you the best for your present and future. Yeah, I guess you’re my kinda gal after all. πThanks for the beautiful words. I intend to blog a lot more regularly in the coming days. Will definitely try to keep your feedback in my mind. π
It would have taken a lot of courage to take the step you’ve taken and good on you for going with what you want and need! Screw the nosey judgemental people who will always want to give their two cents. Here’s to a flourishing future!
Sanch @ Sanch Writes recently posted…A bunch of my faves
Thank you so much, Sanch. Yeah, a few wagging tongues need to be ignored. I wouldn’t have been able to take this step had I heeded to them.
Happy Women’s Day, Vinodini! I just read your post and am in awe of the way you forged your path of going solo with so much grace, maturity and gratitude! Hats off to you! I particularly love the fact that you are looking out towards the future with so much positivity! Cheers to new beginnings! Here’s raising a toast to a new and beautiful life ahead. So proud of you and thank you for sharing your story with the rest of us. You truly inspire, girl!
Thanks, Esha! Your comment is motivating and fills me with a lot of hope for a better tomorrow. π